Nostalgia

Friday, September 18, 2009

It all started about 20 minutes ago at the intersection.

Surrounded by a sea of metal, felt like I was floating in this warm water and letting the current drift me home.  I still remember that image not long ago vividly.  The sun was at the perfect radiance; its glow matched the scenery with absolute beauty.  Not too bright, foreshadowing a dark night, as shadows begin to grow in height.  

The red light stays as if it wants me to remember this moment.  I sit, the sounds around me are dimmed with the light.  The shouting of little kids in the cars, the louder they got, the younger I felt.  I heard my own voice in theirs, and saw my grandma's face in their parent's faces.  Could it just be another nostalgic episode, or something more ... I haven't had this feeling in a long while.  Not since I've been blessed at the sunset with a hand in mine, not since I've come home after playing and dinner was served.

I sat there for a long while, until the stop light thought it appropriate to change itself to green.  I moved slowly, as if inching toward the white line at the light.  Swooshing sounds in my ear reminded me of when I ran outside and played tag.  The descend down the hill after the light reminded me of when I stood outside my aunt's house and looked down the hill at her place only caring about how fast I can go on the bike down it, with my cousins fighting aloud and lovingly in the background.

Time had been lost, and so was my mind.  Turning right and going straight all at the same time, and the car that passed me is still behind me.  As I caught the sun every half second between the branches, I fell into more oblivion.  The opening brought the sun full force to the right side of my face.  This was happiness.  For some reason, there was no smile on my face, still isn't.  Maybe I just miss the past because I don't like the present.  Maybe I'm too picky and maybe it was a reminder of what the future needs to be for an accepting, peaceful death.

Whatever it was, it was confusing, messed up, and beautiful. 

The song I listened to as I had these thoughts.