Everyday Occurrence

Monday, March 1, 2010

So I needed to go to Walgreen down the street thinking it was still opened at 12:12am.  It wasn't... So I drove on to Wal-mart.


The road was empty, not a soul to drive with.  The music played on and everything had felt like the past.  The coming on of the brisk spring air through the windows, the slight mist, the deer crossing the road.  It was all a dream I thought...  I wanted drive and drive.  I didn't want to stop, not for anything.  At every stop light, I sat there and looked around.  Although I had moved into a new house, everything looked so familiar as if I hadn't moved yet. I so desperately wanted to turn the clock back and go back, but of course. I couldn't.


I kept driving.. past where I used to live, past where I went everyday, past my high school, past where I used to drive past.  The parking lot was deserted.  I thought, yes! I had Wal-mart all to myself!  Of course, as fate has it, it is closed as well.  I turn around towards the car and as I walked I wished I would look behind me to see a swarm of angry, red eyed, mad men running towards me looking for flesh.  I so wished for the zombie apocalypse.  I imagined it as the only salvation, ironically.  Of course, there was no 24 hour store here anymore.. No all nighters to just wander and wonder what we would do if zombies were chasing us.


I got in the car and kept driving.  The feelings remained.  For every ounce of tears that wanted to escape, an ounce of blood in my heart told me not to cry.  I didn't want to lose a bit of the story that was instilled in my tears.  This was what I was holding on to?  A childish wish for the end of the world so that we would be the only ones left?  Maybe I always wish for childhood.. maybe we all do.


I imagined the streaks in the sky as superheroes who were flying off the earth because they couldn't live here anymore.  I so desperately wanted to fly away with them.  Of course, as fate has it.. I couldn't fly.  I couldn't drive on.. to no where, to anywhere, around the world until I got back to where I started.


Shortness of breath kicks in, maybe that was my heart's hint, to turn around and go home, the only place I've known, to offer protection and safety, but one day that will be gone, so long!  I'd say, I would salute to the past and shake the future's hand.  But unlikely, unlikely I would ever shake future's hand, I'm more likely to smack him in the face demanding my life back demanding every little detail white or black, demanding like a little bitch that I couldn't move on.  So long...


Can someone truly accept anything, or are we always in acceptance?


The breeze that grazed my hair past my eyes reminded me of the picture you took when I was driving.  Don't remind me, it's behind me... But I turned around and stayed behind and said "fuck you Noah.. leave us.. I'd rather rot in the darkness.."  There, I turned to stone, immortalized with a broken heart.


I think about how these words could never truly spell out what the h.e.a.r.t. is saying.  Tonight I will listen like every night.  I hope I dream of driving.. driving to New York.. Driving to M... nevermind it. Remember, i'm behind it?  Seems like the past caught up and sprouted up right in front of me.  Not the first time, but the first time in a long time.  Split the roots and kill the mood, I'd like to listen if you could tell me the truth.


Exactly how I feel..