Going Crazy ... But Came Back.

Sunday, October 11, 2009

As I sit in the gaze towards the stars in the blackness,
one of them protrudes and captures me with brightness.
I watch it like the way we kept eye contact, 
and I wished it would never go away.

One moment after this one, it disappears, dims quickly into nothing.
I wondered how long ago it died.  Was it last century, or lightyear?
I wish I knew the answers to any questions,
like why our eyes never stopped looking,
or why the moment of all moments becomes just another moment after another moment passes.


Forget I ever said anything, it really doesn't matter.
As time passes, we all become, just gasses.
Flying in space without any direction, what it the ultimate goal?
How could there be any purpose to life.. to anything.


We are living, we want to be living.
Something tells us, life is important, keep life.
Life is a word, and the concept "to be alive" is created by us.
As children, I believe we would be content with an answer like, 
we live and hope to go to heaven one day, where we will be happy forever.


If someone answered me with that today, I would not understand.
Now I know of grief, now I know of anguish, now I know of the emotions that create pain.
Now I wonder why we live.
What if heaven did not exist, what if life did not exist?
Could it matter .. would you miss it?


To understand somewhat why anything is here, 
I believe we must live forever.
If we are not eternally existing, then the purpose of life is meaningless.
Therefore... we are eternally existing, and we have a purpose?


Of course, with my thinking, it always comes back to the girl.
The one that will make me not care about why we live.
Because when the moment comes and our eyes gaze into eachother,
the meaning of life is found.


How naive, a young boy thinking love is true.
How brave, a boy wasting his life on love.
How beautiful, I say, love is.